So I'm gonna be honest. I was really hoping that Tyler would get a smidgen of my sensitivity and understanding of feelings. Not like cry during a chick flick or get hurt feelings over someone not noticing his new haircut kind of sensitive, but like the good kind of MAN sensitivity-that's why I said smidgen Bobby-don't freak out. :)
If you know my dear sweet eternal companion (that was for you Alena) you know sensitive is not one of the top 1000 words that would be used to describe him. He refuses to watch any "sad" movie or anything that evokes feeling because he hates to feel. The fact that I will specifically watch a sad episode of Oprah so that I can have a good cry Blows. His. Mind. He couldn't care less if I noticed what he wore that day, asked how his test went, or remembered to kiss him goodnight before he fell asleep -all things I care about :)- We're just different. And I'm totally ok with that. In fact it's one of the things I love about our relationship because it keeps our conversations *interesting*.
On the flip side however; I just don't think it could hurt any man to notice things about his wife or learn how to help her when she cries and not freak out! And that is the good kind of MAN sensitive I was hoping Tyler would pull from my gene pool. I found out today that will not be the case.
Back-ground story for this story...
Today I was not a good mom. No excuses, just not a good day for me. So picture this: Kylee's sitting in her high chair, tyler's sitting at the table and I'm sitting in the chair next to him. They both have hot dogs, strawberries, and chips on their plates. Tyler starts whining because he's "not hungry today." Too bad I tell him, to which he starts hysterically crying and screaming for his dad. During this Kylee has eaten all her chips and says she's done and wants to play. Too bad I tell her, you need to finish the rest of your lunch first, to which she starts hysterically crying and screaming for her dad. So here I am trying to enjoy my chicken taco soup sitting in the middle of two screaming children (and when they both cry at the same time they continually get louder so they can be heard over the other one) who want their dad. Tyler's just going, "daddy, daddy, daddy, I need you daaaaaddddyyyyyyy." Kylee's repeating everything he's saying while throwing every item off her tray with every syllable that comes out of her mouth. Instead of laughing at the situation-which is totally what I'm doing as I'm writing this-I lost it. I put tyler in time-out and came back to get kylee to do the same when she shows me a wad of chewed up hot dog in her mouth and proudly, through a red, splotchy, tear-stained face, tells me she's eating. I was just telling her thank you when she starts coughing. Poor girl tried to hold it in, but she just couldn't and spewed chewed up hot dog all over me. Yummy. Right then Tyler's bell dings cuing the end of his time-out but he is still back there screaming for his dear sweet pops. I marched right back there and *super sweetly and nicely* asked him what his problem was. He said something really mouthy back to me about how he was never going to eat his lunch never, ever again and I said something really mouthy back about how I was never going to feed him never ever again so he didn't need to worry about it-ya I'm a real winner, good thing I'm as a cool as a 4 year old-and I told him he could sit in time-out until he was ready to be nice again (in a real *calm* voice). When I walked back into the kitchen Kylee sniffles out, "Momma, are you happy?" No Kylee I'm not happy I said and then she started to cry. Yep, I'm a schmuck. BIG ONE. I calmed her down a bit and then went back to talk to Tyler. Picture head hung low and cue in some Charlie Brown music.
So long story, longer, I told him I was sorry and apologized for being crazy. (don't worry he wasn't totally off the hook, he had to apologize too) I told him that I was wrong for yelling and that even though I was angry I made the wrong choice by acting the way I did (cause we're really working on helping them find ways to control their anger and I was the exact opposite of what I tell him to do when he's angry). I told him that sometimes even mommies make mistakes and I asked him if he would forgive me to which he in less than .5 seconds responded, "Yes, mom I forgive you. I wasn't mad at you just sad." He gave me the biggest hug in the world and went and finished his lunch with no complaining. So where does all this sensitivity stuff come in you ask?
Back to the story...
As we're eating he tells me he is SO excited for Easter! I asked him if he remembered why we celebrate Easter, He didn't so we talked a little about how Jesus had died for us on the cross so that we could live with Him and Heavenly Father again after this life, trying to bring the conversation around to Jesus being resurrected. But as we were talking about Jesus dying for us, he had so many questions. Why did they kill him, who were the other men on the crosses, why was he naked, etc (he was referring to the picture he looks at in his reverence book during sacrament meeting). We've talked about these things before and he already knew most of the answers but I love that he still wants to know more. One of the things he said that surprised me because I've never told him, and he was really energetic about, was, "But mom...he already knew. He told that man he already knew he was going to die. He knew it was going to happen ok mom." I said, "Yes Tyler, He did know they were going to kill him because He knew that it was part of Heavenly Father's plan to die because if He didn't there was no way we would be able to live with him again and He love us too much to let that happen." I'm about ready to bring this home right and end on the happy note of Christ's resurrection and celebrating Easter, when he starts talking about the "bad men" again-such a boy right. He wants to know what will happen to the bad men that killed Jesus. Enter quick teaching moment on forgiveness.
I realized that in all of the conversations we have had surrounding this topic we've never talked with the kids about one of the most important lessons we learn from His crucifixion. So I told them about how as Jesus was dying he prayed to Heavenly Father and asked Him to forgive the men that killed him. I told them that I thought that was pretty amazing because I thought if someone was trying to kill me I would be pretty angry with those people, but Jesus forgave them in less than .5 seconds. Just as quickly as Tyler had forgiven me. I told them that Jesus is the greatest example of forgiveness that there is and that we need to try to forgive as He does. And even as I spoke those words I realized how lucky I was to have 2 children that do try to forgive as He does and that I need to try my hardest to be more like them.
You never stop learning from your kids. I know I say this all the time, but I am so thankful for the lessons they teach me. I started sobbing. Yep, right there at the kitchen table. I think I all of a sudden realized how incredibly ridiculous my behavior had been, and how I was so fortunate to have Christlike examples in my life everyday. I stood up and grabbed both of them in my arms and thanked them and kissed all over them!
Tyler all of a sudden realized I was crying and grabbed my face and very seriously said, "Mom. Those are tears on your face." "Ya" I laughed I'm crying a little bit. He responded, "Stop it. Stop it right now! Stop those tears mom." as he is literally smashing the tears into my face like he was trying to make them disappear. He was terrified! Like seriously scared. Not like I'm worried about you scared; like tears, emotions, feelings, sensitivity scares me scared. I said, "Tyler it's ok to cry, I let you cry when you're sad." "No. You need to stop your tears. Stop that crying ok." And then he ran the other direction. Oh heaven help us; there's another Bobby out there.
