This is only 13 mo. and 6 days late but since I'm already a little hazy on some of the details, if I don't get this down now, I'm not sure how much I'll remember years from now. Although I didn't write Tyler's story down until he was almost 2 (here if you have some time and want a chuckle) and I seemed to remember enough...
The Christmas tree was decorated, lights were hung, stockings were ready to be filled with Christmas goodies and The First Noel was playing continuously throughout our house in preparation for this baby that was most definitely going to come way early just like Tyler! (due date was dec.31st) No way was I going to be caught off gaurd with this one! The playpen (aka crib for kylee's first year of life) was set up, clothes were washed and hung up, hospital bag was packed and the perfect "take-home" outfit was all in place. Snowman were made and re-made, cookies were baked and decorated, neighbor gifts were made and handed out, Christmas cards sent, Missionaries came over for dinner christmas eve, Christmas came and went, and still no baby. What?! Only 6 days till my due date and still no baby?! How can this be? Bobby even ate a whole bag of Cheetos and still nothing! (those of you that read tyler's story will understand this)
I had pretty much given up any hope that we were going to be having a baby sometime this year -which meant we would not be receiving that glorious tax break for 2008, and tried best I could to settle into the mindset of being "late." When lo-and-behold I started having pains around 4:30 in the morning on Sun. the 28th. Not having had ANY contractions-that I could feel-with Tyler I wasn't sure if this was the real deal labor pains or those lame-O braxton hicks contractions people talk about. They weren't so bad that I wanted to die or anything and I would fall back to sleep periodically over the next several hours. I called my mom later that morning and asked her if she thought they could be the real thing and she said something along the lines of...if you're able to talk me on the phone while you're having a contraction they are not the real thing yet. "Trust me, you'll know when it's time". Then I hated her. Seriously?! This isn't it? I wanted her to tell me "yes, go to the hospital, you're having this baby!" Not, "go to church you'll be fine." But mother knows best so I went it to church and made it till the last 10 min where I was so uncomfortable I wanted to scream. I still wasn't having super heavy contractions, but I was in a skirt, heels and having mild contractions; the last place I wanted to be was in a metal chair. So I went home, slept for a couple hours, and when I woke up the contractions had stopped. Now I was just angry! I felt like even though they weren't the real thing yet they were hopefully doing something that was leading to the real thing and now it was over. Just pain for the fun of it and then nothing?! I hormonally took my frustrations out on Bobby and we argued about something that I actually can't remember (obviously not as dramatic as the Cheetos). Although I do remember the end result of the conversation going something like this:
Bobby: You know Angela, you're being a real witch tonight. And not like Glenda the good witch.
Angela: Well guess what? I get to be a witch because I've been in labor all day and I actually wish I could drop a house on you right now! That would make me feel a lot better.
Bobby: Really? Labor all day? "Oh ow, I think I'm having a contraction but I'll go ahead and get all fancied up (he actually said, "fancied up") for church" Then I'll come home and take a 3 hour nap.
Angela: UUUGGGHHHH! I cannot even deal with you right now. Just get away from me.
Bobby: How about you get away? How about you fly away on that witch broom you obviously have lying around here somewhere?
I'm pretty sure I stormed out then, and I remember being really angry at him and sulking in my room for hours before I finally accepted that I was being ridiculous and apologized saying, "I'm not sorry for what I said, I'm just sorry for how I said it. I still think I'm right." Then Bobby rolled his eyes and told me to go to bed because he didn't want to deal with me all "pregnatized" (whatever that means) but I did because I was tired. Not the best, most complete, way to apologize and make-up, but from my hormonally-imbalanced self that was all he was gettin'!
Next thing I know there's heavy breathing, a wet pillow underneath my head, and something sharp attacking my abdomen. Oh my gosh he's actually done it! He's so fed up with my "pregnatzied" self he is actually trying to stab me in my sleep! No! please NO! "Don't kill my baby!" I'm screaming. Then I'm being shaken and I see a concerned Bobby starring down at me, rather than a ravening Bobby with a knife. Oh my gosh, am I actually having contractions?! Is this what this horridly, awful, no way to describe with adequate verbage, feeling is? It literally feels like someone is stabbing you and twisting the knife back and forth. (Thank you blog, I just remembered why we will happily be a family of 4) I'm sweating like crazy and I can barely breathe. Oh I get it. This is what my mom meant by the insensitive, "you'll know when it's real" comment. For 2 seconds I feel slightly excited because it's finally going to happen. I'm going to meet this precious little girl, and she's going to change my life, and I already love her so much, and Oh My GOSH! Will someone please stop stabbing me with that daggum knife already?! I hate this prengnancy, I hate Bobby, I hate my body, I'm pretty sure I'm okay with Tyler being an only child, why in the world did we do this again?! The thoughts in my head go off and on like this for the next 2 hours while I'm trying a million things to ease the pain; a shower, back massages, curling up in a ball, jumping up and down (not recommended), a priesthood blessing, hot and cold packs, crying, praying, crying, praying, and more crying. Finally at 5:30 (am) I told Bobby I could NOT take it any more, I had to go to the hospital and find out what was going on. Even if they sent me back home, I just needed to know for sure that all of this pain was taking me somewhere!
Now, at this point, we had lived in Logan for 6 mo. It was Dec. 29th and we were in a married, student ward which meant anyone in our ward that we trusted, at this point, to take Tyler while we went to the hospital, were out of town for Christmas. This was my biggest concern about having a baby at this time of day, at this time of the year...what do we do with Tyler? Thankfully Bobby works with someone who has a very generous and loving wife who had previously offered to take tyler, even early in the morning if necessary, when I went into labor. I hated having to call someone I didn't know very well at 5:30 in the morning and ask them to take my child, but what else do you do? They were SO sweet about it and quite literally saved our lives-seriously thanks so much you guys!!!! We woke Tyler up, packed a little bag for him and dropped him off.
So I'm a total weakling and have a zero tolerance pain threshold. So even though I figure I'm not very dilated (and I wasn't) I still can't sit still for long periods of time and just wanted to get to the hospital! About 5 min. after Bobby took Tyler into the house where he was going to be staying I see him sort of sauntering out with the husband (his friend from work), just chattin' it up like it was any other day. Then they walk past our car and kinda walk down the walk way and the dude has the audacity to smile and wave at me (the husband, not bobby) like I'm not a pregnant lady IN labor, wanting to tear through that car and fly to the hospital on the witch broom I apparently keep in my trunk! Hello can we get a move on it here?! I'm just saying. I was ready to go.
Anywho, so we get to the hospital, check in and sure enough there's something going on. Not enough that I should have been having crazy, bobby killing me dreams, but enough to get me dilated to a 3. So they say I can stay (which honestly if they told me they were going to send me home, even if I was only at a 1, I think I would have given them my first born child just to give me an epidural) and get me all hooked up. By this point I think it was close to 8:00 am and I wanted to D-I-E. I couldn't believe how different of an experience I was having than with Tyler. I just remember clinging to the side of the hospital bed, griping those stupid bars on the side of the bed, hanging onto to them for dear life for fear that the pain was going to make me go insane. And then after a minute or 2 the pain would subside and Bobby would say,"Man, did that hurt or what?! The line was spiking to the top of page!" Like it was some sort of game. Glad I could provide some entertainment hunny.
Finally the anesthesiologist came in (I guess I was like 4th in line for the epidural that morning and the nurse told me when she was getting me all hooked up that it would be another hour or so before I could get one-I almost slapped her upside the head but decided that wouldn't be in my best interest.) and gave me that wonderful drug and I was able to get some rest. Somewhere in all that I was given some pitocin to speed things up but it wasn't really working (same thing happend with Tyler too) so I had to get another dose of that. And same as when I got it with tyler, it made me SO nauseous! And I do remember that right when the pitocin started to kick in my first dose of epideral wore off and since pitocin speeds contractions up I started to feel it again and...there really aren't words to say that haven't already been said. It hurt. Like a mother. And I was throwing up. NOT a fun combination. (anyone still thinking about having kids?) I remember being SO out of it that I mumbled something to bobby about the epidural obviously not working and him running over and pushing the button to load me up with some more. It took about 15 minuets for the numbness to run back through my body, but after it did I was okay again and the nausea had worn off too, so I fell back asleep for an hour or so before the nurse came in to see how I was progressing. She told me I was getting close and it shouldn't be more than an hour or so before I got to meet our new little girl and for the first time that day I was actually alert enough to appreciate what that meant. I was SO excited and nervous and happy. And then my thoughts turned to my sweet Tyler.
I don't think I will ever forget this moment. I was laying on my right side, looking up at the computer screen with all the baby monitoring, knowing I was less than hours away from adding to our little family and I felt an incredible outpouring of love for Tyler that I have never felt for anyone before. It was as if I literally, physically, felt the love in my heart expand. Everyone always tells you that as you add more children to your family somehow your love grows enough to love them all the same, not any of them less in order to compensate your love for more children. And I was so worried about that. I know it's stupid, but I was truly scared to death that I wouldn't love Tyler as much because I would have to share that love with Kylee. I can't even tell you how much I prayed and prayed asking Heavenly Father to help my love grow to include both my children because I didn't want to lose what I had with Tyler. And in this exact moment it was like Heavenly Father was giving me a physical answer to my prayer so that I would know for certain, and could never doubt, that I loved Tyler even more now that we were adding to our family. I remember being so grateful to my Heavenly Father for that blessing and I just sat there and cried and cried because I had so much love for Tyler right at that moment that I couldn't even contain it. It was so weird to me that it would come to me right at the moment Kylee was to be born (she was born 20 min. after this experience) yet it was so perfect. It made me complete. It filled that one hole I had in my mind about having another baby and wiped the worry away so that I could fully enjoy, and accept, the love I had for Kylee. I can't even pretend to understand the love our Father in Heaven has for His children, but I am so grateful for the love I have for my own children and feel that I caught a glimpse of how it is possible that our Heavenly Father can love us all individually.
Kylee Noelle Bricker was born at 1:57 pm on Dec. 29th after less than 5 min. of pushing (I think it was a total of 3 or 4 actual pushes). I still tore but not nearly to the extent as I did last time so recovery was miraculously better! Honestly, by the time I got home from the hospital I didn't even feel like I had had a baby. It was really weird, but great! She was 6 lbs 8 oz and was the spitting image of Tyler. (Bobby and I both said that at the exact same time, the first second we saw her-it was pretty funny!)
Apparently gettin' me all fired up brings on labor. That's something I'll have to remember if I can ever erase this memory from my mind.
